“The way I figure it, if the candy stays in the machine for more than a year, it’s up for grabs.”
“Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and Eskimos.”
“Stupid risks are what make life worth living.”
“It is better to watch people do stuff than to do stuff.”
“If The Flintstones has taught us anything, it’s that pelicans can be used to mix cement.”
“I want to share something with you – the three little sentences that will get you through life. Number one, ‘Cover for me.’ Number two, ‘Oh, good idea, boss.’ Number three, ‘It was like that when I got here.’”
“You know what? To be loved, you have to be nice to people every day. But to be hated, you don’t have to do squat!”
“Purple is a fruit.”
“If you want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet, they’re about to announce the lottery numbers.”
“Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that’s even remotely true!”
“It takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.”
“Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals… except the weasel.”
“If something’s hard to do, then it’s not worth doing.”
“Turkeys, the only animals smarter than man.”
“Before Lethal Weapon 2, I never thought there could be a bomb in my toilet, but now I check every time.”